nic piper
nic piper

tales from the board

Fatman Begins.

Right then, introductions...again.  My name is Nic and I used to jab at a keyboard and make words appear here on a fairly regular basis.  I'm 36, enjoy films, music and Greco-Roman wrestling.  I sometimes draw stuff and have strong shouty views on a wide range of social issues.  I date a lot and am probably the best boyfriend you've never had.  Some of these are lies. I hate films...


It's been a while.  I mean, it's been the best part of a year since I was here writing stuff and keeping you up to date on the latest life events to have been dangled in my direction.  There's a fairly good reason this time.  If you look at the last two posts from 2016 I was just starting some time off due to my body giving up a bit.  My bowels were broken, my brain was bust and my soul was shaken.  It felt like the Great Tit of time was nibbling through the Gold Top of eternity and life and health and options were crumbling around my very skinny ankles.  Little did I know that it would take until now for me to resemble anything like 'fixed'.  There's a handy little pictoblog here that explains a lot of it so I wont risk repetitive twat syndrome by telling you that story all over again.  Needless to say that my new attachment is doing brilliantly and I'm feeling a ton better both inside and upstairs.  It's taken some time to get used to, the whole routine of keeping things ultra sterile and the 'eat when you feel like it' thing is just starting to feel normal.  Normal is good.

A big side effect of this whole medical pow wow involved me losing more weight than usual.  Even when I'm in the best of health I tend to resemble a bent wire coat hanger so when I'm ill it starts to look a bit bad. Rib counting, pointy hips, no need for x-rays type bad.  Think of the book 'Funnybones' without the funny bits.  Luckily, after a few weeks of shovelling feed down this Hickman Line I've managed to put on some weight.  Well, more than some actually.  A whole 2 stone to be exact.  That was 2 stone in 6ish weeks.  So now I'm fatter than I have been in around about 16 years and am no longer entirely made of knees.  I no longer have a chest designed by Frank Lloyd Wright and I no longer look like Lenny Henry should be organising a telethon for me.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not huge by a long stretch but things do wobble slightly as I walk down the road (to the kebab shop). That's new!


Do you know how black holes work?  When a large star can't take life anymore it starts to get smaller and smaller because of the pressure placed on it.  As it gets smaller it's huge increase in gravitational pull starts to drag all the wonders of the universe that were floating around it towards it.  I think I have the same effect when I'm ill.  This latest little medical disaster has seen all the wonders that float around my life drawn closer toward me.  I'm blessed to be surrounded by a great family and some top class, top drawer friends.  Some of them I never see but I know they are there through their little texts or comments on so-shul-me-ja sites.  Some of them send lengthy emails or messages and some of them spend hours (finding the ward takes long enough) visiting me and bringing nice things to cheer me up.  Some of them I've known for decades and some only months but all of them are brilliant.  I've been doing this stuff alone for a long time now.  I don't mean totally alone as I know all those friends and family are just there.  I mean on my own in a sense that I don't have that thing where I can come home and off load on a partner or do tricky hospital things with someone there who's got my back.  Having great friends, so full of love and light helps a lot so, thank you.  Thank you for orbiting my black wait...oh, you know...

More soon


nic piper2 Comments