nic piper
nic piper

tales from the board

When you grow up.

I wanted to be a spaceman. I mean, who wouldn't?  LEGO and Manta Force influenced that one. Then I wanted to fix engines because that's what my Grandad did. Then I wanted to draw stuff because, well, that comes easy.  I don't remember at any point wanting to stand in a room in front of a group of kids all snapping at my ankles like dogs with no manners.  I can't recall ever wanting to impart knowledge about why Van Gogh's love life 'got a bit Eastenders' or why The Scream isn't a painting of a man screaming it's of a man hearing a scream (look it up, it's quite interesting).  At no point do I remember wanting to spend my days watching teachers wash down skip fulls of Kalms with some drippy mung bean and glitter 'tea' during their slow but inevitable mental breakdown.  I can't remember answering the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with anything like what I'm doing now but here I am quite enjoying it.  I mean, it's not Spaceman but it'll do.

I daren't ask the kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" these days as they'll say "YouTuber" or "a gamer" then I'll get confused and feel old.  You know, kids watch videos of other people playing the most dull games on YouTube?  It'd be like you watching me balls up a couple of rounds of Tetris for 40mins.  Pointless.  Also, what if one of them wants to join IS?! That's a lot of paperwork.  OR become a politician...not worth thinking about.

Anyway, my latest part time paid experience starts next Tuesday night when I'll become a life model.  That's right, a life model.  Wait...yeah, I thought I could hear you all chuckling into your Coco Pops.  Fear not, I wont be standing there without any clothes on, I'm not in the correct shape to be stood there, grin on my face, Mickey in the wind.  I look like a cheap birthday candle when I take my kit off.  Like one of the Mr Men gone wrong.  I hardly get my threads off in front of myself let alone anywhere vaguely public, which I'll admit is a 'thing'.  Scars, bony bits, tubes and not much else.  No one wants to see that floating in the pool like an errant Pooh stick.  Nope, I'll be fully clothed and no one will need therapy afterwards.

The story is quite simple really, I fancied getting back into Life Drawing a few months ago as I used to be ok at it and I enjoyed it. I put the feelers, wait...I enquired further and it turns out that my friend and brilliant artist Peter runs his own class in his studio.  No nudies.  As a way of seeing what the class is like he asked me to do two weeks worth of 'standing looking interesting' for them.  I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm not giving up the day job just yet and if it doesn't work out I might become a YouTuber. Whatever that is.


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